Red Rage
by Lowland Warrior
Summary: When a mysterious condition affects Eva and makes her even more violent and bloodthirsty than she already is, Noah and Ezekiel must warn the other campers before Eva reaches them first. Or isn't Eva the only girl they should look out for? Read the description inside for crucial story details.


**The Red Rage**

**Today I'm going to do something new!**

**This is a comedy story about Anna's day! About aunt Flo and cousin Red! I am of course talking about…The menstrual cycle! Be warned though. Everything about the subject is ridiculously overwrought and written down as if it was some kind of destructive phenomenon. If you do feel offended by it, I'm terribly sorry, but I couldn't resist writing it! **

**On the other hand, female writers: Feel free to write a story where you can ridiculously exaggerate/make fun of something typical for guys! I'll be reading, and I'll be laughing (If it's good of course.)!**

**The setting is way back in '07. Total Drama Island. Between the Dodgebrawl and the Not Quite Famous episodes.**

**Also, here's a message of gratitude to RedeyedWarrior, thanks for the advices!**

**This story will be rated T for anger outbursts, themes and complete ridiculousness.**

* * *

**Chapter 1: Red Dawn**

* * *

Noah and Ezekiel were at the swim up bar at Playa de losers. It was evening and Noah was reading a book that he just picked from a pile of books he had with him and Ezekiel was examining the blender.

Ezekiel got some lemons and tried to put them in the machine in any way possible. ''Say, do you know hoo to get fruit in these things, eh?'' Ezekiel asked Noah after he stopped his attempts to get the lemons in.

Noah groaned and looked up from his book. ''First I have to explain how the remote of the TV works and now I have to tell you how to blend fruit! You're even more Amish than I thought.'' Noah complained. He opened the lid of the blender and resumed reading. ''Please, don't let it get so far that I have to explain to you how to use toilet paper!''

''Thank yoo, eh!'' Ezekiel thanked Noah before he stuffed as many lemons in the blender as he could.

''Whatever.'' Noah boringly replied, not looking away from his book.

After Ezekiel had put as many lemons in the blender as he could fit in, he activated it and the juice soon flew in every direction as Ezekiel had forgotten to put the lid back on.

''Ah! My eyes!'' Noah screamed after a splash of juice landed in his eyes. Noah dunked his head into the pool and resurfaced. ''Dude! Put the lid back on before you turn it on! is it that hard to understand technology that's been around for over 80 years?!'' Noah scolded him red eyed.

''80 years? But I've only discovered it last week!'' Ezekiel defensively retorted. He then spotted Eva limping past them with her hands clenched to her abdomen.

''Eva? Is everi'ything ookay?'' Ezekiel shouted at her a little anxiously.

''If you shut your trap and stay away from me, then I'll be fine!'' Eva angrily barked back. ''Ugh, I could really do with some chocolate!'' she mumbled as she disappeared into the building.

''She's not been acting normal today, eh!'' Ezekiel told Noah.

''Means something coming from your mouth heehaw.'' Noah replied, again not looking away from his book.

''I'm serioos, eh!'' Ezekiel calmly snapped back. ''She usually just ignores us when we offer her soomthing, but every time we do it now, we get snarled at, eh! And yoo know what's strange too? Eva used to swim every morning, but now she's avoided the pool and the lake all day! Could she be having rabies?'' Ezekiel raved on, not noticing that Noah was not really interested.

''Hard to tell, foam is always dripping out of her mouth.''

Ezekiel frowned. ''You're not tayking me serioos, eh!'' Ezekiel chidingly said.

''Ah, you finally found out.''

''You can stuck it!''

''You mean to say, suck it.'' Noah corrected him.

''Don't com knocking at my door when Eva's messing you up eh!'' Ezekiel scolded him and angrily drank his lemon juice, and spit it out almost directly.

''Have you added water and perhaps some sugar?'' Noah humorously asked him.

Ezekiel drank some water out of the tap and growled. ''Don't say I didn't warn yoo!'' Ezekiel warned Noah. ''I'm going to bed!''

''Whatevs.'' Noah shrugged as Ezekiel left the bar.

* * *

Close to midnight, Noah laid in his bed and was reading another book as he was slowly dozing off. He was almost asleep when someone aggressively knocked on his door.

''Noah! Open up eh!'' Ezekiel hysterically asked. Noah grumbled and walked up to the door. Ezekiel came storming in the second Noah unlocked it.

''Look who came knocking at my door.'' Noah cynically said, referring to Ezekiel's and his conversation earlier as he got up from the ground and closed the door.

''It's Eva! She's goone mad!'' Ezekiel explained terrified.

''Even madder than normal?'' Noah dryly asked.

''Yeah! And she's -'' Ezekiel rambled on until he noticed something. ''Are you wearing heart boxers eh?'' Ezekiel asked slightly humored, pointing at them.

Noah looked very slightly embarrassed but he managed to cover it up by looking irritated. ''It was on sale and we have to cut back at home! But enough about that! Tell me what Eva was going to do!'' Noah barked at Ezekiel. Before Ezekiel could answer, someone punched on the door.

''That she was cooming down here.'' Ezekiel whimpered, pointing weakly at the door.

''Come out and sate my lust for male blood!'' Eva yelled viciously.

''It's even worse than I could ever imagine Eva!'' Noah said horrified.

''Told you eh!'' Ezekiel told him matter-of-factly. Eva roared and began to pound on the door. ''That's a sturdy door eh! I wonder how long it's gooing to hold it eh!'' Ezekiel gladly remarked.

Noah grabbed Ezekiel by his shoulder. ''We're not going to find out! Block the door with everything in this room! We need to get out of here!'' Noah ordered him. Ezekiel hesitated briefly before he shoved a side table in front of the door, but 1 pounding on the door knocked it over.

''Don't stand there! Barricade it again!'' Noah shouted at Ezekiel while Noah was dressing up.

''Stay calm eh! I'm doing all the work while you're dressing yourself!'' Ezekiel replied slightly disapproving.

''I'm securing my credibility! Do you think anyone's going to believe me when I tell them that Eva's burned down the playa when I stand in these boxers?'' Noah explained while he finished getting into his clothes and shoving a desk against the door.

''I'd believe you!''

Noah eyed at Ezekiel after he'd said that. ''Seriously, what, the f(Censor)k is wrong with you?'' Noah emotionlessly asked him.

''Wouldn't you?'' Ezekiel naively asked. Ezekiel then noted that Eva had stopped pounding on the door. ''Eh, listen!'' Ezekiel said as he climbed on top of the barricade and held his ear against the door.

''Ugh, I hate that line!'' Noah muttered. [1]

''Eva's go'one! I think she got tired and went to her room!'' Ezekiel cheerfully suggested.

''Ssh!'' Noah silenced him as he suspiciously listened. They heard footsteps in the hallway coming closer and closer. Noah's eyes shot wide open when he realized what was happening. ''Duck!'' Noah shouted as he managed to pull Ezekiel off the barricade before Eva charged right through the door, which caused everything the guys had put in front of it to be launched away, luckily not hitting them.

''Where are you, you wimps! You men say you're so tough, show me then! Take me on!'' Eva growled. She stomped around the room, looking for Ezekiel and Noah, who were trying to silently crawl away to the hallway as Eva was checking out the bathroom.

''But I never said I was tough, eh!'' Ezekiel replied, giving away their hiding place.

''Idiot.'' Noah groaned, slapping his forehead. Eva viciously roared and the guys began to sprint away from her.

''I thought sports weren't your forte!'' Ezekiel asked Noah.

''They are if my life depends on it!'' Noah hectically answered. They ran past a window overlooking the playa's jetty, Noah spotted some water scooters.

''Go to the jetty! It's the only chance of escaping we have right now!'' Noah told Ezekiel while they ran into the dark, professional kitchen. ''Just great, apparently the campground's not the only place that isn't up with safety standards.'' Noah flatly noted after finding out that there was no other exit.

''If I have to bleed, so do you!'' Eva roared as her shadow appeared on the wall opposite of the kitchen.

''Hide, eh!'' Ezekiel whispered, and they both hid under different countertops. Eva stomped into the kitchen and looked around. Both Noah and Ezekiel saw her feet walk past them. Unfortunately for Ezekiel, it was very dusty where Ezekiel was hiding and had to repress the urge to sneeze.

''Pinch, your, nostrils!'' Noah wheezed while making pinching motions. Ezekiel understand and pinched his nose. He sighed as the urge to sneeze faded. But gasped when he accidentally farted instead. Noah slapped his forehead while Eva ran towards where Ezekiel was.

''No! No! No! I beg you!'' Ezekiel squeaked as Eva pulled him out from under the cupboard while Noah crawled towards the exit of the kitchen.

''Beg some more!'' Eva viciously demanded.

Noah stopped crawling when a little lookalike appeared in a puff of smoke on his shoulder, reading a book and generally looking uninterested. ''I assume that you are my conscience?'' Noah asked, unfazed.

''Yes.'' His conscience replied, not looking up from the book.

''Aren't there supposed to be 2 of you?''

''The other guy's only here if it's a matter of right and wrong. And besides, he went bowling.'' Noah's conscience replied, turning a page.

''It isn't a matter of right and wrong?''

''Well, formulate what the situation is.'' Noah's conscience remarked a little cynically, twisting his head to Noah before continuing reading.

''Alright then, Heehaw got caught by Eva and now I'm stuck with a quandary. Risk my own skin by saving him or letting him get butchered by a blood lusting Eva, which I wouldn't even wish to anyone except my oldest brother Jonah. So how isn't that a matter of right and wrong?'' Noah dully asked despite the seriousness of the situation.

''Well you see Noah, this isn't a matter of right or wrong, It's a matter of wise or unwise! If Dixie gets torn to shreds and you get away from here and warns the others, then there's no one to back your story up while they'll probably still blame you when she gets to the rest! On the other hand, if you decide to save him and don't make it, then your story has no happy ending!'' Noah's conscience explained, shutting the book for emphasis.

''But there's a chance that if I get away that I won't make it either.'' Noah noted.

''That aside.'' Noah's conscience shrugged, having resumed reading.

''Your moral support is not very supportive.'' Noah calmly yet chidingly replied, frowning at his conscience.

Noah's conscience sighed, closed his book and put it under his arm. ''Look, just make a decision. Ezekiel's lucky that Eva wants him to beg for mercy, but it'll begin to bore her anytime now.'' Noah advised a little demanding.

Noah's thought for a second and sighed too. ''I guess he would've done the same for me.'' Noah admitted.

''Keep on dreaming.'' Noah's conscience uninterestedly responded.

''This is crazy. I'm going to take on the biggest challenge and I'm not even on the show anymore. I never should've joined!'' Noah miserably mumbled as he tried to sneak up to Eva.

''Hey! Turns out, I was right about that too!'' Noah's conscience boastingly replied before he disappeared into the same puff of smoke he appeared in.

''Little prick.'' Noah grumbled at the spot where his conscience just was.

''I never did you any wrong eh!'' Ezekiel shrieked as Eva had him by his hood. ''Well, not intentionally but we all make mistaykes!'' Ezekiel calmly contradicted himself before he folded his hands together. ''Please don't hit me!'' He begged as Noah was now standing right behind Eva.

''Look at you, you pathetic excuse for a human being! Not even brave enough to look me in-'' Eva growled before Noah wacked her on the back of her head with the frying pan. ''Ow!'' She yelled, letting Ezekiel fall on the ground as she winched in pain. Noah looked dumbfounded at the dent in the pan before he turned to face Eva. ''You-'' Eva snarled as she turned to Noah, who stepped back in fear. Eva was interrupted again however by another whack to her head, this time from Ezekiel. Eva turned to Ezekiel again and Noah hit her with his frying pan.

''How many blows does she need to go down?'' Noah panted while Eva stomped towards him before Ezekiel hit her with his frying pan, breaking it.

''Oh boy, this is bad!'' Ezekiel gulped, looking at the broken skillet as Eva stomped towards him and grabbed him by the collar of his hood. Ezekiel yelped as Eva was about to punch him but Noah slammed a big soup pan on her head.

''Let's go! We have to catch our boat!'' Noah shouted at Ezekiel before the 2 sprinted out of the kitchen while Eva pulled the soup pan off and threw it at the wall before she chased the 2 boys.

* * *

Ezekiel and Noah stormed through the front door and sprinted towards the jetty. Noah jumped onto a water scooter and sighed in relief after spotting that the keys were still in the ignition.

''Praise the flying spaghetti monster for someone's carelessness!'' Noah shouted relieved while looking at the sky.

''Do you know how to drive 1 of these water bikes eh?'' Ezekiel asked as he jumped on. Just after he had asked that, Eva burst through the door and stomped towards them.

''As long as I can go forward, it'll do!'' Noah gasped as he started the water scooter and drove away just before Eva could get them. In a fit of anger she threw some pieces of the broken door at Ezekiel.

''Ow!'' Ezekiel yelled after he was hit by a piece of wood. ''What do we do now eh?'' Ezekiel asked Noah while rubbing his sore spot.

''We have to go back to the island to warn the others. Maybe they know what's wrong.'' Noah answered. ''Or maybe with our luck, they're in even bigger trouble!'' Noah wryly added before he steered the water scooter away from the resort. Unaware that Eva and 1 of the sailboats had disappeared.

* * *

**[1] I guess Noah had played Legend Of Zelda Ocarina of Time a little too much!**

**And…did you like this semi-apocalyptic story? Let me know!**

**While I do know what to write next, Total Drama Vengeance remains my top-priority story (Which has faced some serious issues, so there will be some delay before it's updated.**

**Normally I detest cheap advertising methods like these, but if you have some time to stop by my account to check out my other stories, that'd be nice, no pressure though!**

**So with that, I greet you and I give you some advice.**

**Kijk uit voor rhesusaapjes!**

**L.W.**


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